


Night Musings and Dawn Musings

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-30
Updated: 1999-09-30
Packaged: 2018-11-20 20:39:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11342802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Mulder's thoughts about his lover and their love and Alex' thoughts about his lover and their love





	Night Musings and Dawn Musings

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Night Musings by Gwendolen

22 September 1998  
RATING: PG (I think)  
NOTES: I couldn't sleep and that's the result.  
DISCLAIMERS: The just sneaked out for a little fun but will go home someday, maybe All I get out of it is some fun and a good time  
THANKS to RositaMia and Rie for their help.  
FEEDBACK: Yes! Please! Feedback is what every writer lives from and needs like air and water. Send it to me at 

* * *

Night Musings  
by Gwendolen

How do you do it? Sleeping the sleep of the just, as ironic as that sounds?

I should be tired I feel tired but I just can't sleep. Nothing new with that. Usually on nights like these I would try to find some rest on the couch, watching tv, videos, whatever, anything to keep myself occupied, to try to turn off my brain. But not tonight.

Instead I sit here on the bed and watch you sleep. You're beautiful, especially in this diffuse halflight. But this is something I'll never tell you. You already know this, no need to pander to your ego any more than I already do. I can't take my eyes off you. Watching you sleep makes me wonder if anything I know about you is real. You look so peaceful, so innocent and young, it makes it hard to accept what you are, to reconcile the image with what I know what you've done.

But then I don't really know, do I? I assume, I guess and I accuse - no accused - you of all kind of things. Some you denied, some you just seemed to ignore. I still don't know if you killed my father. I think you did but you say you didn't and I'm beginning to wonder if you aren't telling the truth.

Fool for love? Maybe. I know that there are a lot of people who would question my sanity if they could see us. See what we do, the way we kiss and love. The way we hold each other when the nightmares haunt us. No-one ever did that for me, no-one except you. My beautiful killer. My deadly lover.

My life never was what one could call normal so why did I expect to have a 'normal' lover? I never could see myself in a nice house with a white picket-fence, 2.1 children and a dog. Still can't.

So I guess it's okay that I ended up with a... what? ...a killer? ...a liar and thief? ...a resistance fighter? ...a survivor? ...an angelic devil?

Well, I ended up with you. Can't say that I regret it, not now when I have you here in my bed. When I can touch you, make love to you, even ask you questions with the possibility that you might answer and even tell me the truth.

My scrutiny seems to have woken you. You shift to your side and your eyes open slowly. A frown and then a sleepy smile crosses you face and you murmur in this wonderful sleepy, husky voice: "Come back to bed, Fox."

And I do what you tell me, burying myself in the warm embrace of your arms. Held tight and safe by you, sleep comes quickly.

end

 

* * *

 

DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately not mine. But I promise to give them back so that others can also play a bit.  
SPOILERS: None, I think. Correct me if I was wrong.  
RATING: How should I now? PG? NC-13?, m/m  
NOTES: An older piece which first appeared in *Whereabouts Unknown*.  
FEEDBACK: Do you have to ask? Of course! Pretty Please! Send it to me at Gwendolen: 

* * *

Dawn Musings  
by Gwendolen

The first light of the coming day falls into the room.

It's time to leave.

I know you hate it when I leave before you wake up. Is that the romantic in you who dreams off sleeping and waking up in a lover's arms? Or does it simply scare you? Does the night and all we did take on a dreamlike quality when I'm not there anymore? Or is it simply your conscience rearing it's little head and complaining about the stupid things you did last night? I wonder if it sounds like Scully.

Any way, here I am, telling myself that I should leave, be gone when you wake. I hate saying good-bye but that's not the only reason, leaving you becomes harder and harder every time I have to do it.

But how can I leave when you look like this, so young and vulnerable. Your face is relaxed in sleep, no nightmares this time. You're curled up on your side, the sheets around your waist, your beautiful chest and arms bare. I want to touch you, I ache to touch you but I don't, you need your sleep.

My beautiful lover, you're not even aware how much you influence me. It's not only your face and body, as tempting as they are, it's also your mind, this fascinating, twisted and amazing thing. Listen to me, Fox, how cliche I sound. I don't only love you for your body but also for your mind.

I should leave, make sure that no-one sees me. We still have to hide this, us and I loathe it. Do you?

Could you picture us in a house with a picket fence, a cat and a dog? Domesticated and tamed?

I can't but I would love some time alone with you, somewhere safe where we simply could be together, make love, spend some quality time together. No FBI. No Consortium. No past. No future. Just us. But that's just a dream, won't happen, not in this life. Still, it's a nice dream.

I should leave now. It's to dangerous to stay much longer.

But how can leave when you need me here, when you need someone to touch and hold. This is something Scully can't or won't offer. I admit I'm jealous of her, the place she has in your life, her importance. I wish you'd need me this much but you don't. Would you miss me when I suddenly didn't turn up anymore? Or would you be glad?

There are times when I still can't believe what we have now. So much happened in the past. So much stood between us. But somehow fate always threw us together again, didn't it? And it's good, isn't it?

I should leave but instead I get back into bed with you and curl myself around you, feeling you shift to accommodate me. This is where I belong.

July 1998

  
Archived: 19:31 03/21/01 


End file.
